Did I really need to say that?

Do I need to say it?


Did I really need to say that?  Does it need said, shared or mentioned? Has anyone ever said something to you that you wonder why they felt the need to say that? Have you ever said something you thought was just a comment only to realize it went much deeper than you intended and perhaps you should not have said it?

Most people have opinions, suggestions and observations about a lot of things.  But, there are some people who have an opinion, comment or remark about almost everything.

I thinks it’s great and important for people to have opinions, I do not, however, think it is necessary for people to share their every opinion with others, unless they have been asked or encouraged in some way to share.  However, once you have shared your opinion be wise enough to let it go if your opinion is not readily accepted or appreciated.  And if what you are about to share is critical in any way, gauge the attitude of the person you want to share with to make sure what you are going to say will be received in the spirit in which it is meant.

Many times we don’t think we are being critical in what we are about to say or comment but because of the way we phrase it or the tone in which we say it, or even the attitude of the person we are speaking to, it ends up coming across as a critical statement and does nothing to assist or improve that relationship.

Many things are said with a negative slant that could be said in a much more positive way.  (Read my blog on It’s not what you say but how you say it) Yes it takes more effort to think before we speak, yes it is harder to attempt to “read” our audience before we speak, but in the long run if we take the time to do this it will enhance that relationship and not cause distance or walls to be built.  And when it comes to those that are close to us it is especially important for us to be aware of our words, tone and timing.  It is within those close relationships that we are most familiar and comfortable that we tend to forget to check our words, tone, intent and temperment of our intended recipient before we let the words come out.

When you feel the need to make that comment or share that opinion perhaps it may be best to pause and ask yourself a couple questions…

Is this a good time to make that comment?

Has the person asked or indicated they want my opinion, comment or suggestion?

Is my opinion really worth sharing or am I over estimating my audience’s curiosity or its interest  in what I have to say?

Is what I am about to say going to enhance my relationship with that person or cause damage or a disconnect?

I find that I hold back from sharing my opinion, comment or suggestion many times because I sense it will not be received in the spirit in which I mean it.  I am attempting to be more aware of the situations in which I feel compelled to share to make sure it is going to be a positive interaction.  I am not saying if you disagree with something someone has shared that you should not voice your opinion, I am saying that even in discussions coming from opposites sides there can be a positive interaction if both parties are listening as much as they are talking and know when it’s time to end the discussion and agree to disagree.   Many people thrive on debate type interactions and know when to be “done” so they will maintain that relationship on a level that works for both parties.

So speaking of opinions and comments, I would love to hear from you about this blog or any of the other ones I have posted.  I am aware that many will not agree with my thoughts, or opinions and it is not my goal to change anyone’s mind or make you agree with me,  it is only my goal to generate discussions, thought and perhaps some more insight into the subject.  As the title of my blog states…Just sharing…from my heart to you.


Eph. 4:29. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, so it may benefit those who listen.

It is not what you say, but how you say it.


Words, words, words

It’s not what you say but how you say it…

How many times have you heard that?  How many times have you said it to someone?  My daughters can tell you that they heard it a lot from me especially in those pre-teen and teen years.  The tone that people use in their voices can tell you so much more than the words they say.  And while in this modern age of texting and email you can’t always tell the tone of the message the words are still there to convey the message, (and the occasional smiley face).

We all know that our words, spoken or written, can build up or tear down.  Our words can offer soothing comfort to someone or tear them down.  They can encourage, discourage, warm, freeze, build and destroy.  Words are so powerful, probably more powerful than we realize.

How many times have you said something not quite so nice only to follow it with “I was only kidding”?  Not realizing that once those words have been said they have already done damage, damage that cannot be easily repaired with a simple 4 word statement “I was only kidding”.

And how many times have we said something with a tone that belayed the true meaning of the words we are speaking?  A simple “I’m sorry”, with a condescending under tone is not truly  I’m sorry.  Words spoken harshly out of frustration or anger cannot be undone by a simple “that’s not what I meant”, or “I didn’t mean it to come across that way.”

I have heard it some people said that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, that statement is usually uttered when someone has said something unkind or mean.  While I agree with that statement I think that it needs to be remembered that it has a positive side to it.  If a heart is filled with joy, laughter, forgiveness, understanding and a desire to be kind, then the words that come out build up, encourage, move someone forward towards a goal, lift up the heart of someone who is struggling and can make the difference in someone’s day.

Yes, we all have bad days when our words could do more harm than good, and we all have those days when we can’t think of a blasted good thing to say about someone or something, and it’s those days when we need to guard our words, use them sparingly or not at all. On those bad days when our hearts are filled with anger, frustration, and possibly a lovely pity-party that no one else needs to be invited to, think before we speak, chose our words and tone carefully.

So, I encourage myself, and you, the next time we are tempted to say that sarcastic retort to a fellow human being let’s stop, take a breath, and think before we open our mouths and use those words to wound, or make a point (a point I might add that will be lost on our victim because of our tone), and let’s see if we can’t rephrase and re-tone that remark towards a more positive result.

 Ecclesiastes 6:11 “The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?”

I pray you each have an uplifting, encouraging day.